Luv St0ry #1

Today all that potential love became a fleeting romance between the two prepubescent peeps in this real world. We always suspected there was a spark between Mary and Daniel (the lil' camera cutie). Last night Carly kept them from hooking up in the elevator (their prepubescent lack of sexual desire also kept them from hooking up probs). 

Today at the pool things seemed grim at first when we saw Daniel FLIRTING with two cabana girls whores. As you can tell from the pictures below, these girls moved on to an older man right after Daniel left. There's a small chance the creepy man was terrorizing girls and we documented it sassily instead of coming to their aid, but they're probs just cabana whores.

here you can see the cabana whores with Dan the Man and with a real man/pedophile/their consensual whorrish lover

But don't lose faith!  In the traditional camera cutie fashion, Daniel lurked around on his balcony for awhile.

 

Here you can see Dan the Man lurkin'.

Next thing we know, Stefan came down to the pool to present Mary with a note. Side note: this is the only time Stefan talked to us all day despite last night being so beautiful. We thought it was fun, but clearly we're bad at picking up on social cues. Maybe this is why most of us don't have boyfriends. (side note: many of us are single/desperate, hit us up! [not you, camera cuties, you blew it]). So anyways, the note proposed a romantic date for a sixth grader and fourthgrader. Kind of creepy, kind of risque age difference, still kind of cute.

in case you can't read, it asks Mary to take a "nice walk on the beach later tonight." it also listed dan the man's phone number, which we didn't include because he's too cool for you guys to prank call/text (and he's a child!!!).

 

 We were all super pumped, but Mary was super pissed, so that was a little awkward. We relayed the rejection to the older boys and Mary disguised herself in sunglasses, grouched Gollum-esque in her chair, and covered her whole body with a towel for the remainder of the afternoon. She also hid behind cars.

The next bit's a little confusing, but then Daniel came down with a letter for us. He was shy and awkward and looked a little depressed (aww, broken hearts [not that we know anything about that: when boys don't talk to you ever you are spared the pain of heartbreak]).

Stefan wants to know if your free tonight?

 This note is confusing for several reasons:

- why is Stefan speaking in the third person?

- where would Zach be tonight?

- why didn't he just text us?

- why didn't he tell us this when he was down at the pool like five minutes before?

- is "your" referring to one of us or all of us or the possessive of you???

- why is there a line at the bottom?

- why is there a space between "to" and "night?"

This ~*~sUsPiCiOuS~*~ behavior led us to believe that maybe, just maybe, the original note was written by Stefan to bully Daniel, and the second note was written by Daniel to retaliate. And both notes, then, were written to toy with our vulnerable hearts. WAY TO GO GUYS! WELL PLAYED. WE HATE YOU.

jk we were honestly thinking about giving you cookies tonight. but we've said it before and we'll say it again. YOU. BLEW. IT. (that's what she said). we were forced to eat the cookies ourselves.

later we saw Daniel on the elevator and he looked really embarrassed. Mary hid. preteen drama!!!

so basically we failed at any boys, but we have lots of seemingly cute notes to scrapbook, and Mary can claim that she was asked out by a sixth grader (which is cool in the world of fourth graders).

that's it.

xoxo, hos.

Potential Luv...??? pt 6

Below is a photo essay of Carly and the bada bing italian ice boy. "He was really socially awkward, and all he cared was the mosquitos and the flies. He kept mentioning his feet hurting," says Carly. Also, a correction from an earlier post: bada bing boy doesn't actually wear a camo hat! We discovered today that it was just a solid army green baseball cap that he sweats in enough to make an almost-camo-esque design. cuh-yute!

Here Carly poses while bada bing boy bends over and Mary makes an uncomfortable face off to the left.

Bada bing boy is so patriotic! And whadda cute fanny pack!

It looks like they're holding hands and professing their love for one another, but Carly is actually just giving bada bing boy two dollars entirely in change. He proceeded to count the change diligently, partially to show that he wasn't going to let Carly's good looks hurt his business, and partially to show off his elementary math skills as a flirting technique. Nice try, bada bing boy! We're not wooed.

Overall, we have one word for this boy: disappointing. Actually, two: disappointing and snaggle-toothed. But he's still a nice guy, so we'll leave him for the rest of the hos out in Topsail.

peace out hos, xoxo <3 <3 <3

Potential Luv...??? pt 5

Carly's going to talk to the surfer boys today thanks to Stefan's self-esteem boost. Whether she actually will or not remains a mystery. Hopefully there will be a whole bunch of h0t b0yz on the beach today <3 <3 <3.

Potential Luv...??? pt 3

Here are some pictures of boys on the beach. Carly was going to talk to them, but she didn’t. So instead we just took pictures of them creepily.

Bada bing boy, despite his camo hat and cargo shorts, had a friendly smile and wave. If only he had come when Carly was craving italian ice!

Skim-board boy (we know his name is Adam because we heard his parents yell at him, but it’s creepy to call him that without a consensual [~*~sensual~*~] introduction) said “Let’s move so we don’t get them wet” to his little bro in our vicinity. What a sweetie, concerned about getting us wet.

 

way to go, topsail, for providing us with lots of mediocre lookin boys.

xoxo, hos.

A Creepy Encounter...

Dear Faithful Hos,
Tonight was CRAZY! We went to the gym, just like any ole day (because we're really athletic). We were totes pop and got two phone calls. #Boysblowingupourphones (shoutout to our twitter hoz) and shoutout to Charles and Ben! After burning lots of calories, which we later consumed in Strawberry soda and tender white popcorn, we went to the pool for a sexy night swim. Some of us got raccoon eyes while others looked like dying fish flopping pathetically in water to avoid running mascara, and yet we still got action. But not good action. Actually, it was quite creepy. (Nothing we're not used to, since no normal boys talk to us [camera cuties, hit us up PLEASE! we are DESPERATE, believe it or not].) Buzz-cut tattoo arm man first waved, and being our desperate flirty selves, we reciprocated. This along with one of us singing filthy song lyrics (J. Cole shoutout!) led him to believe we are not virgins. Which we clearly are, for the most part. Don't read too much into that. In fact, forget we ever said that. Then he called us over and we pretended not to hear him, but he continued calling until the awkwardness was unbareable (we're not sure if that's a word). We pretended to be ignorant as he circled the pool like a hawk. Buzz-cut tattoo arm man was not for us. We called the other girls for protection as we sneakily left the pool. I guess love will have to wait for another day. Also, there were three boys we were totally into (from a distance, without knowing their ages or levels of attractiveness) who failed to make any eye contact what-so-ever despite our relentless staring. So like we said, maybe when the sun is shining the boys won't be able to ignore our insane beauty any longer.

XOXO Topsail Hoz



UPDATE!!!!! the potentially attractive boys were in cahoots with buzzcut tattoo arm man! we found out due to diligent stalking from the balcony. that's right. later y'all!