what the WOCKENFUSS?!?! a photo essay

 

The fire alarm went off last night in our whole building because there was a rumored fire inside Wackenfuss, the candy store below our condo. that's all we're going to say about that because it's a PHOTO ESSAY, so the instagrammed pictures (the wackenfuss pic was instagrammed by mary-you can decide how good at instagram she is) should say it all. 

However, it's important to note that we did take it upon ourselves to visit the candy store and investigate the "fire," and we can confidently (candyfently?)  report that the store is FIIINNNEEE!!! STOP FREAKING OUT ALREADY!!!!! UUUGGGHHHH!!!! we also went back again after that for the sole purpose of checking on the state of the store, and this second time we even tested out the cash register (it's also working!) by ordering 3 lbs. of fudge. 

breaking news: in less than 24 hours we have consumed 2 lbs of that fudge, and we predict that the other pound will be consumed in the next 12 hours. then we'll go test out the cash registers at various other candy stores along the boardwalk.

Are you obsessed with us?

 cause we are. with ourselves, obviously, and not with you. jk we're obsessed with you too!!!

we're so obsessed with YOU that we kindly made YOU a coloring book of US. here's the link. If you print out your fave pages (which should be all of them), color them in, and upload the pic onto our fb page or email it to us, we'll send you a postcard from HO-cean City, MD!!!!

http://www.coloringpagecreator.com/pdf/view/1019


We look forward to your colorful interpretations of our ho-ventures!

green with envy???

~*~*~RECIPE FOR POPSICLE BEER~*~*~
(a mary original)

ingredients:
- 6 green freezy pops
- 1 corona

directions:
1. have someone of age (like your father) drink the corona
2. wash the bottle out
3. freeze the freezy pops in the freezer
4. remove the entire package of freezy pops from the freezer
5. pick out only the green and blue ones (2 green*, 4 blue)
6. microwave each blue or green freezy pop individually until it's room temperature
7. cut open and pour each freezy pop into the corona bottle
8. leave all the freezy pop wrappers on the counter in a sticky mess until your mom comes home
9. pose with the popsicle beer and feel really cool**
10. don't finish it!
11. leave the popsicle beer out until your mom says "can i throw away this concoction?"***


*some packages may have more greens than others. feel free to use up to 6 greens and as few as 0 blues. if you don't like the green ones you can also choose to use a different flavor. our package only had 2 greens, and it now has 0 greens thanks to this recipe. mary's favorite flavor is green.

**you may also choose to take the popsicle beer into the bathroom and sit in the jacuzzi with it. this only applies to people who have jacuzzi tubs, maybe in their parents' bathrooms.

***you can choose to either finish drinking it or let her dump it out. we chose to not finish it because it was gross.

EnJoY! ;B (buck-toothed wink)

WE'RE BACK

hey faithful hoz, we hope you're happy to know that we're back at the beach (because we all know that your lives revolve around our vacations). it's a little different this time, though, because we're not actually on topsail. this week, we're hoin' it up in OCEAN CITY!!! and we're so excited about it that we're not going to change anything like the blog title or description or anything, and you'll just have to try to remember for the rest of the posts this next week (if there even are anymore...maybe the excitement of this big beach city will keep us too busy [?!?!?!?!?! {probably not}]) that we are in ocean city and not in topsail. but quick sidenote, you know who was recently in topsail? stefan the camera cutie! at least according to an enigmatic fb chat received by yours truly, which went like this:

stefan

wats up
are u and your friends down in top sail
??? (good ole stefan, that's not how you spell "what" or "topsail." i guess a year of college didn't change who he really is deep down inside.)

me
no, we're all over the world actually (that's an exaggeration, it's actually more like a little bit spread out along the east coast. katie's in africa though.)

stefan
dam cause im gonna be hella bored without anyone to chill with down here lol (woah! watch the language! this is all i'm going to post from this convo because it proves that he probably still hasn't seen enough of this blog to be creeped out by us, and because it makes us look C0oL & pOpULaR. people want to hang out with us!!!)

anyways, for the moment topsail is a thing of the past, so to update you with the happenings during our stay in OCEAN CITY so far:
- mary tried to tickle kathryn while kathryn was trying to walk, which of course caused kathryn to trip and fall over mary and cause both of them to land on the floor. and then when kathryn was icing her bruise and ho-mom asked what was wrong, it was embarrassing for her to answer "i fell down." it might not sound that embarrassing written down here, but it was.
- the fam went to the grocery store and bought an enormous amount of food for one family. three shopping carts were necessary to take the groceries to the minivan. pullin a duggar family move!
- even though there are five people and five beds, we love each other so much that we left a whole bedroom (with two double beds) empty. mary is snuggling with the rents tonight, and madeline and kathryn are sharing a bunk bed! sister time! so cute! awwww! <3 br="br">

speaking of bunk beds, it's bedtime now. sorry if this post was too long and pictureless. hang tight and we'll satisfy all your blog desires that we're capable of satisfying. ;) ;) ;) xoxoxo

prom???

out of the blue (like the water oooooh), we'd just like to say that the topsail hoz would be really helpful for you to hire at prom. we'll take the pics, do the hair, do the makeup, and give you encouragement while you fret over how pudgy your corsage makes you look (jk every girl is beautiful! [see? encouragement!]).

so that's a million dollaz per prom night. hit us up y'all!!!

*~*~*~*~FlAsHbAcK TiMe YaLL~*~*~*~*

<3 <3 <3
shoutout to all the girls whose prom pics we stalked today!

BIG OLE NEWZ

BIG news guys!!!

1. alex is here!!! let the diversity begin!
2. stephanie is here! new ho alert!!!
3. check out that reverse exclamation point pattern: 3 then 1, 1 then 3!
4. we have a fan club that is obsessed with us whaaaahhhh?!?! we can't guarantee that their gossip is true, but we're flattered by the attention. (it's hokouture.blogspot.com) (and make fun of whoever it is because they type with a lisp [not that there's anything wrong with speech impediments {we think they're pretty hot}])
5. new video!!!

this lil diddy is by one direction (also known as our secret boyfriends), so we don't claim to own any of the music or lyrics, so don't accuse us of copyright infringement plz!!! we chose this thumbnail because it looks scandy, but the song is actually really emotional. also, as always (actually this may be the first time), we ask you to judge the women in this video not based on how they look in bikinis, but how much heart and soul they put into the dramatic interpretation of this really heartwrenching song. that's worthy of a girl scout badge right there.

peace out suckaz

:) :) :)

we finally got our bathing suits and sunscreen on, and now we're going on the beach!!! madeline is being ho-ealthy and g-hoing on a run, so just forget about her and think about the rest of us and all the food we bought at the store last night and how curvy and snuggly we're going to look on the beach! sounds like a blast! tans are slimming, right?

x-ho x-ho
kisses!
okay bye y'all

familiar facey-wacey

yesterday we were on the beach, mindin' our own beezwax, when out of the blue comes a snaggly toothed familiar lookin face.

who dat?

see who that is?

BADA BING BOY!!!

*~*~*~*~fLaShBaCk TiMe~*~*~*~*

exchanging currency sensually, circa 2011

remember this gem of a guy? well there's a slight chance he remembers us too, or it was just fate that he decided to park his little italian ice cart within ten feet of our chairs and then lurk there for a good six or seven minutes. you can observe in the first photo that bada bing boy isn't exactly utilizing good business practices. putting his hiney on the italian ice? uhhhhh-NOT appealing, nice try buddy. also, maybe he's a blog viewer and that's how he knew that we would recognize him, in which case we are flattered and just a little embarrassed, but mostly flattered. but actually still sort of embarrassed.

it appears as if bada bing boy grew his hair out a little, got a new (but similarly styled) hat, and is still wearing a fanny pack.great consistency, bada bing boy! makes me feel like i'm still 19 and 7 months rather than 20 and 4 months...those were the days.......................sigh..................goooood tiiiimes.........dot dot dot..............................................................................................

unfortunately it was a chilly day and italian ice was the last thing on our minds, and the pensive-looking bada bing boy posted up nearby was probably just a deterrant to all the mega hottiez who would have otherwise approached us and fallen in love with us.

:( :( :(

we're too lazy to put sunscreen on so we can't go on the beach

:(    :(    :(    :(    :(

this is a little earie (like eerie)

GUYS I THINK I HAVE AN EAR INFECTION AND THE YELLING SYMBOLIZES HOW I'LL HAVE TO COMMUNICATE FROM NOW ON IF I GO DEAF FROM THIS EAR INFECTION.



- kathryn

ps if the duggars are reading this, pray for me y'all!

Goodbye HO-bear!!!!

Joebear left for home this morning!!! We made a commemorative video of his departure including flashbacks to our fave memories with him during this trip.

So check it owt! #checkitout #notfazed (confused by the spelling of fazed? Click here to learn more. #learning opportunity)

#colebearprobz

Last week Colebear said something that we couldn't understand!!!!!!!!!!!

Then we were like, "WHAT???" but he was already walking away!

MoViE TiMe

we're about to watch "eat pray love," partly to be cultural and because it's stormy outside, but mostly so that we can eat eat eat eat eat without feeling guilty or fat! EAT EAT EAT it's gonna be so awesome!

in other news, katelyn killed another fly. more about that to follow.

eat eat eat eat eat (we have ice cream, ice cream cake, cookies, cookie dough, candy, and doughnuts!!!)

*~*~what makes US beautiful~*~*

hey y'all, we made a video to celebrate how popular one direction is and how hotttt we are (jk we're modest we promise!). we obviously don't own the song (because there are boys singing and we're girls!!! duh!!!), but we are responsible for the coincidental coordnating outfits on madeline and katelyn. we'd also like you to observe the 50% ginger population in the video. ginger awareness!

LUV Y'ALL <3 <3 <3

our *fallen* hoz

shoutout to the hotties who couldn't be here on this beach trip!!!

(also, Alex, git here already will ya?!)

wowzers

Madeline's phone is dead!

TyPiCaL tOpSaiL.....
everyone please pray for Madeline's phone. it's not like totally dead, it just needs to be charged. we need your support during these times!

here is an updated prayer list:
- Katelyn's computer died! (good thing Joe has the same computer so she can easily charge it)
- Katelyn spilled grapefruit juice all over her thighs! now she's sticky! ooooooh-oooh scandy
- OMG Katelyn just squirted grapefruit juice in Kathryn's eye!

guys, things are getting OUT. OF. CONTROL. thanks for all you do for us, ho fanz! <3 <3 <3

luv y'all!
hoz

din din

tonight we went out to dinner at like 9:30 because we're young and hip.

this is how the night progressed:
1. we sat around on the couch watching a devil cat tv show with a devil man that trains the cats. all the cats were cute, even the hairless sphinxes.  we'd like to pose a question to our viewers: what's the difference between a cornish rex and a sphinx??? here's a blurry tv pic of the cats in question.

cat from tv show

 

typical cornish rex

 2. we got dressed (duh!) (but just to clarify, we weren't totally naked watching tv, we were just in our bathingsuits.)
3. we got in the car after a really long time and then attempted to drive to a nice restaurant for dinner. but by the time we were on the road it was already past 9pm! drama! everyone kept accusing kathryn of being an irresponsible driver due to her ADD affliction, which she did not bring medicine to treat. whoops!
4. the first place was closed (we know this because joe crept through the windows [peeping joe???]). but we did see a cat!

thanks to katelyn for the edgy photography

5. everyone got spooked. there was a girl watching tv that frightened joe, and the sheriff at the gas station would have frightened cole had he been there.
6. john yelled at siri and expected her to respond well to that. (someone needs to learn how to treat a woman [aka a robot phone voice thing]. sounds like a job for the topsail hoz).
7. after a long and arduous journey, we made it to a trashy but tasty sports bar. our waitress looked not a day over 65, thanks to her fake bodyparts (we mean eyelashes not breast implants! [but we never said she didn't have breast implants {aka she did}]).

it was a tasty dinner and we got home as young and hip as ever (did we mention that we didn't eat dinner until 9:30 pm? [PM!!!!!!!! {young and hip!}]). everyone fell asleep within an hour of us getting home, so either we aren't as young and hip as we thought (pre-midnight bedtimes???), or the sports bar drugged us. the latter of the two seems most reasonable...





...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz,

hoz n bros

ps we hope you appreciate our ability to get three cat pics into a post about eating without ever making a joke about eating cats!

ice cream mYsTeRy

why is there a finger shaped imprint in the ice cream???

not to point *~~fingers~~* (get it?), but we think it might have been COLEBEAR!!!
(cole, please read the blog from home and let us know if this was you or if some stranger got handsy with our ice cream)

wooaaah joe

joe just made eggs and didn't even offer them to anyone! but he did offer to cook us pancakes for breakfast and cooked us burgers for dinner (shoutout to john and cole [j cole {carolina blue kicks fresh on the sceeeeeeene}] for also making us burgers). oh wait now he's making me eggs. what a gentleman!!!

joe scrambles eggs

the best part about joe is that he gives us nutrition facts while he cooks! apparently egg yolks are important for protein synthesis. he'th tho thmart!

happy birthday boi

a happy birthday shoutout to our buddy NIHAL!!!
though he isn't a ho and he's not on topsail, he's a cool guy (and check out that skin tone, clearly he's a fan of tan).

Nihal gets jiggy wid it

have a great day Nihal! feel free to show all your friends across the world about this birthday shoutout to make us more ~*~PoPuLaR~*~. no pressure or anything.
 okay bye.

shoutout to the pervs!

we really appreciate all of our readers and fans, mostly those of you who read our blog posts because we peer pressure you to (sahhhhry, but it's important). but we'd also like to take some time to thank all those people who randomly find this blog and are probably sorely disappointed with the results.

we've included the data given to us by blogspot which shows which google searches lead people to our blog. looks like we've got some pervy pervs out there checkin' out the blog! and also plenty of Duggars fans! and some pervy Duggars fans. kind of worrying, but also kind of (not really) flattering. all you not-as-creepy viewers, help keep us wholesome!!!

shoutout to the Duggars lovers for the page views! <3 <3 <3

A Seismo-who’s-a-WHAT?!?!?!

Did you know sea turtles can lay up to a thousand eggs during any given night? Rumours (that’s the way One Direction spells the word) have been buzzing around Topsail about sea turtles laying their eggs on the beach this week, so when veteran hoz Madeline, Kathryn, and Katelyn, along with rookie ho and broz Sydney, Joebear, and Colebear spotted a team of men in wetsuits rolling a guillotine-like cart with wires and a hose (not to be confused with us “hoz”) attached down the beach, we approached (tentatively) to investigate, first posing for some pics in hopes of getting their attention. Check out the pics here!

what is that thing?!?!?!?!

?!?!?!?!?!?!

"seismology"

good investigative reporting, Madeline!

Finally, with the encouragement of Katelyn and Kathryn (what are hoz for??), Madeline
had the courage to ask one man running back to the dunes from the machine, “Are
y’all doing something for the sea turtles??” To our surprise, their little project had
NOTHING to do with the sea turtles and was in fact probably HARMING the turtles.
These “biologists” from “California” claimed they were “accurately measuring the
seismic impact of the waves on the shore,” whatever THAT means. (Click here to learn
what that means).

Joebear was NOT pleased that Madeline was talking to an attractive older man, especially a surfer from Cali. AKA the "scientist."

This is Joe angrily shaking his head! He is NOT smiling, despite what it looks like.

But Madeline knows that there are more important things than redheaded boys: WILDLIFE! After hearing about the seismologijdkfhgjfkd, the hoz were both alarmed and concerned for the health and safety of our little amphibian hoz, the sea turtles!!! In response, we are starting an online petition against the seismologists, which you can sign here.

  

WE <3 SEA TURTLES!!!! 

in case you need to be convinced:

HEY-AAAAYYYYYYYYY

guess who's baaaaaaaaa-aaaaack!

hint:

you can only finish reading this blog post if you actually guessed. but we can't FORCE you to guess, so we're going to go based on the honor system and trust you, so don't let us down. read down at the bottom for the correct answer. it's written backwards so you can't cheat!



aaaaaaaaaaaanyways, it's a "beautiful" day on the beach, just like we left it. (that was sarcastic [the part about it being beautiful, not the part about it being like we left it, because it actually looks like the picture we took the day we left {see post below}]). but we hope it'll clear up soon once the island gets accustomed to our beautiful shining faces. we hope y'all are ready to meet some new hoz and bros, because there are a few here and they're awesome!!!

~*~*~*~STAY TUNED TO LEARN MORE ABOUT OUR NEW PEEPS~*~*~*~

Madeline: "The sky is crying because we haven't started posting yet."

(also, in case you forgot, the answer is still below. remember: honor system!!!!!!)



ANSWER: zoh liaspot